LOCKDOWN LIFE: What I've learned from living through a pandemic

As I'm writing this, the world is starting to feel slightly more normal. We can go to the pub, see our family and lots of people have returned to work. Despite this, I can't help but think that life is always going to be a little bit different then it was before Covid-19. But I like to think that everyone's at least learned something about themselves, the people around them or the world throughout all this (and even if you've not, you've gained a really pretty story to tell your grandkids!). So here's 3 things I've learned from lockdown life.

1) Time is a healer:

I've discovered that this applies to so many situations in my life. Firstly,work. I needed a break. I started a full time internship before I even graduated last year and since then I hadn't stopped working (ironically the first holiday I took was actually the week before lockdown!). I had just left 18 years of education and pelted myself full speed into adulthood. I took no time to reflect on where I saw my life going or just to give myself a minute to breathe. Whilst trying to be a grown up I encountered a barrage of things- leaving friends, finding a house, moving into said house, being evicted from said house due to a debt ridden landlord and trying to work out what the hell you have to pay council tax for (just to name a few things). And all of this was happening whilst trying to navigate my way through an extremely stressful and high pressured workplace, where the vast majority of people are a hell of a lot older and more experienced than me. I put too much pressure on myself to run before I could even crawl. I've realised that everyone needs time to transition and think about life. It's okay to slow down and take a minute- that doesn't make you a failure.

This sentiment also applies to my emotions. Before lockdown I wasn't in a good place. It's down to a whole host of events, disasters and misdemeanors that occurred in the last year, but if I was to pinpoint where it started, it was with leaving university. Post graduate depression is real. I don't care how much of a millennial snowflake that makes me sound like- it's absolutely a thing and it hit me HARD. At Uni I had created the perfect life. I made lifelong friends, met my amazing boyfriend, had a jam packed social life and was working towards a first-class degree in my dream profession alongside it. When I left I felt like that had been ripped away from me when I wasn't ready to let it go. It was like someone had stolen my perfect life right from under my nose and there was no way for me to get it back.As dramatic as it sounds, I was grieving for my old life. One day I walked past the University campus and I actually started to sob because I couldn't see a time when I would ever be as happy as I was there. To cut a long and depressing story short, we moved back to Leeds (my uni city) at the start of lockdown and I was apprehensive at first. I didn't feel like I could be in the place that I was once so happy without being reminded that I didn't have that same happiness anymore. But now I see I just needed time- time to grieve, reminisce and then get myself together and start making new memories. It's like a break-up, you need time to heal before you can move on.

2) I don't concentrate on myself enough:

Throughout lockdown (and particularly now Jonny is back working in the office) I've been my own company for the majority of the time. Spending a lot of time with yourself makes you think about your flaws, strengths and life. I've mentioned this before, but when I looked at my life, I didn't actually like myself enough and I now know that that's because I was my own last priority. Lockdown has given me unlimited time to focus on me and only me- and it's done me the world of good. I've found a love of cooking; I've become passionate about excercise and living a healthy life again; I've read books for the joy of reading and not just to pass an assignment and I've began to regain my sense of silliness. Self-care is not something to be sniffed at. There's nothing wrong with taking a long, quiet bubble bubble bath with a face mask on and you shouldn't feel guilty for lying in bed all day if that's what you feel like you're body needs. I've definitely learned by giving myself more attention me, and the people around me are much happier (and I'm SO MUCH LESS EXHAUSTED when I'm not trying to live my life for the benefit of everyone else).

3) I am more resilient than I think:

Not only have I survived a global pandemic, but I spent over 100 days without seeing my family, dealt with the prospect of unemployment, got up and exercised every day, moved house, had about 20 emotional breakdowns and cooked some killer meals- and IT'S NOT KILLED ME! I don't think any of us give ourselves enough credit or acknowledgement about the ordeal that we have just gone through (and are still going through). I know that compared to other world trauma's- staying at home doesn't seem like the worst outcome and I'm fully aware that if we were plunged into World War 3 that we would probably all die, because my generation has neither the physical nor emotional strength to carry us through. But it's all relative. The world has been in complete chaos for almost 6 months and our lives have changed entirely (maybe forever). Back in February, I didn't think I was going to survive each day- I honestly didn't think my mind could take anymore but I've done it and I feel like I can honestly look back and say I'm a better person for it. I've learned to find the joy in the smallest things and celebrate my own little victories each day.

So in the spirit of that, I decided to record 1 second of every day we spent in lockdown- up until the point I was allowed to see my family again. Each second is something from the day that made me happy, whether it be a delivery, rearranging my drawers, surviving a run in the rain or just cleaning the flat. Hope you enjoy x